I stand at the edge of the abyss.
But it's really only darkness.
If only I could shine a light on this dark,
I might be able to see what's there.

It's the noise in the night that terrified me as a child.
It's the memories I couldn't quite grasp as an adult
That constricted my throat and made it impossible to breath.
It's the things of childhood I couldn't speak of,
The darkness that split my being into pieces.
Some part stayed and she's still lost in the darkness.
The rest turned the other way and moved on.

Spring sprouts in my heart
New life unfurling inside
Green bits showing now

Sense of direction
Aliveness brings clarity
Life moves forth today
 

Being visible? Being invisible? It can't be being invisible, I've been that my whole life.

A black out poem is created by taking a copy of a page from a book and then blacking out the words, keeping only those which speak to you, creating a poem along the way. My first attempt...

husband
by his arms
to rest gladly
shine, new, beautiful
everything certain
smile openly
hearts
priceless

I lie awake at night
the full moon overhead.
I really should be sleeping
all curled up in my bed.

Instead my mind is wandering
thoughts running to and fro.
I wish I could be sleeping
and snoring nice and low.

I wander round the household
checking dogs and cats.
They're all happily sleeping
all snug upon their mats.

I want to see my way clearly
I want to jump with joy for the knowing
I want to change the world for the better
I want to know, and do, and be joyous

I want to feel a thrill when I see that glimmer in your eyes
I want to revel in your attentions
I want to feel and act freely with no reservations
I want to know, and do, and be ecstatic

I want to be a part, smack dab in the middle
I want to feel the touch of each heart
I want to see the excitement in all eyes
I want to know, and do, and be connected

I see before me a beautiful soul
who sometimes swims alone in the dark.
I want you to know
you can call on me even in your darkest hour.
I am terrified when I see that look in your eyes
of hovering on the abyss of darkness.
I want to see peace and contentment
in your eyes.
I want to be able to celebrate your todays
without fearing for your tomorrows.
I want to know
you are okay.
I want you to know
I love you and I see you.
I will love you
even when you don't think
you can hold on for another day.

I sit on the edge of a garden bed
after a long day of laboring.
The sun and clouds are still overhead
and the wind rages around me.

The giant firs wave back and forth
seeming to sigh so loudly.
And chimes set around the yard
deliver their song so proudly.

The wind quietly caresses my cheeks
and I deeply breath in its solace.
In spite of the constant motion of nature
the world around me seems flawless.

I read a quote by Anne Lamott today.
It said, “If something inside of you is real, we will probably find it interesting, and it will probably be universal. So you must risk placing real emotion at the center of your work. Write straight into the emotional center of things. Write toward vulnerability. Risk being unliked. Tell the truth as you understand it. If you’re a writer you have a moral obligation to do this.”

You got to play the voice of reason for me this morning
But I didn't want to listen to reason
I wanted to rage
I wanted to dance on the drum of emotion
I wanted to scream and yell and be alive
I didn't want to listen to reason or patience
I know that voice