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What is Holding Me Back

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By Victoria Polmatier | 9:55 AM PST, Mon November 05, 2018
Light on horizon

What is holding me back?
Me
I am holding me back
believing the voices in my head
the nonsensical things they teach
I'm not enough
people don't like me
there's something
inherently flawed about me
people look at me and point
and laugh and know
know what, you ask
you know
i'm that one 
the one who runs away
when the going gets tough
i'm that one
the one who dresses weird
and has crazy hair
and that damned wolf's tail
swaying under my dress
i'm different
different isn't good
in a world of sameness
i'm different
i don't buy into the social norms
i don't play the games 
we've all been taught to play
but being different has a price
i feel out of step 
with the rest of the world
i have never found my tribe
there's power in walking 
your own path
but it's damned lonely
but to be seen
is fright beyond measure
if they see me, truly see me
(what?! what will happen?)
tears well
all the voices of the past
the ones trying to reach through the fog
to draw me out into the open
"Why do you hide?"
"You have so much to offer the world."
"Why are you afraid of us?"
if they see me, truly see me
my light might blind them

Photo credit: Jason Williard (1983-2016)

Poetry
Wellness

Welcome

I've been writing blogs on the internet since 2007. Like my life, my words have wandered from Wisdom or Life Lessons and Wellness, to Gardening and Aquaponics. After my son’s death by suicide in 2016, Poetry became a big piece of my world as I tried to make sense of the tragedy of his death.

In truth, his death took me into my own journey with darkness. I've shared a bit during the last ten years but nothing in comparison to what I've written. Only recently have I started to climb back into life and the desire to share my writing.

These days, my writing is varied and inspired by the moment. I participate in two writing group, one where we write to prompts from a book by Judy Reeves called A Writer’s Book of Days: A Spirited Companion and the other where we journey and then write about our experience or about the wisdom gained. Much of this writing is buried in journals in my office. As I move forward, Some of that will be found under Stories, Magic and the Mystical.

How do you read this jumble of topics? You can read what’s latest, type a word into Search and see what comes up, or select a Topic from the Blog Content below. However you read, I hope you enjoy.

Blessings, Victoria

Blog Content

  • Magic and Mystical (opens in new tab)
  • Nature Inspired (opens in new tab)
  • Wisdom and Life Lessons (opens in new tab)
  • Play and Humor (opens in new tab)
  • Poetry (opens in new tab)
  • Grief, Death and Dying (opens in new tab)
  • Surrender (opens in new tab)
  • Sexuality (includes Sex Abuse) (opens in new tab)
  • Wellness (opens in new tab)
  • Gardening
    • Aquaponics (opens in new tab)

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