Wisdom

A Night on Fire

Fire

Some nights run on forever, fire pulsing. The mind tries to swallow us whole. Last night was one of those nights. Below are the bits of poetry running me round and round. Note, I am not a danger to myself. Suicide is not an option. I saw and felt it with my son. I won't repeat the pattern. So, I journey through the pain of loss and love and trying to find my place in the world.

Alone again
like always
forever
never quite connecting
can't get comfortable
feel like the misfit
the square that doesn't fit
with the circles
or is it the other way around

Poetry
Wisdom
Wild Heart
Grief, Death and Dying

The Wisdom of Age

My dear love
Life is short
and the value is in the loving
Cherish every moment
how much love can you see right here and now
Live a life you can feel good about
one where you know you made a difference
where you gave your best
When you look back
it will be the overall essence
not the doing and tasking that remains
As you age
grief will become your constant companion
like an old pair of shoes
the ones you loved in the beginning
wore everywhere
but now don't quite fit right

Poetry
Wisdom

Showing Up

I feel suspended in time. I am dealing with my Mom’s estate and I continue to take stock of her life. She told me in the year before her death she was a social misfit; she had no social grace. Funny thing is that is what I noticed my whole life. My mom was loud and boisterous. She laughed, loud, at jokes. She went about her life doing what she did, insisting others help her on her time, being the center of her own life. As a child, I found it embarrassing. 

Where Do I Go When I Need To Get Away? What Does It Mean To Come Home?

Some days I love the idea of escape. Just run off and leave all the complicated stuff behind. Don't look back and keep on moving. I tried taking off for a day a couple times, years ago. I found when I got to the beach, I couldn't sit still. It didn't solve any of the problems I was trying to run away from. I quit trying to escape.

Driving My Life

I woke at 2:00 this morning with a dream.

I was driving a car at night down a highway. It was a smooth peaceful ride and then I came to a corner. As I moved into the corner, the car kept going straight. I grabbed tighter but still wasn't making the turn. I looked down and realized I held onto the gear shift with my right hand and the door handle with my left. I moved my hands to the steering wheel and tried to make the corner as I spun into the gravel. The dream seemed to end there though I was left with the impression of seeing myself land in the trees of the forest.

These Things I Hold True

These things I hold true-
The sun will rise every day
Family comes first
All. Life. is Sacred.
Absolute honesty is best
Life is a journey
Some things will break you
you can be put back together again
but you'll be different than before
Spirituality is not a religion
it is a way of living
put love first
be kind, not right
be present
do what is right in front of you to be done
if you think you know the answer, think again
Loving another human being takes work

Poetry
Wisdom
Wild Heart

What is Your Story?

I am finished telling myself I am a failure
that I never finish what I start
It's no longer true about me
I no longer wish to give that story life
I'm ready to build on a new story
One where I finished a book of poetry
One where I finished a beautiful herb garden
One where I've learned to say what I mean and what I feel
One where I talk about the tough stuff
One where I can surrender to what's right in front of me

Goodbye To The Old Year

For you, and for the lifetimes you’ve lived in one short year:
For the digging and the smoothing and the planting 
For placing herbs long grown in pots into their new home
For maintaining your own sanity amidst so much change
For taking on what you said you'd never do
For being love first
For learning you can do things you never thought you could
For finding the will to step beyond the wall
For surrendering to life and taking one day at a time
For putting love and care ahead of your own agenda

What Truth Would You Tell

Path at sunset

The only truth I know-
you can love
with all your heart
you can guide
gently or firmly
you can build
from the ground up
molding and nurturing
or slapping into shape
but in the end
you can't force another
to love themselves
to find value in being on this earth
you can't force them
to live life your way
you can tell them every day
how much you love them
but in the end
they have their own journey
their own road to walk
for better or worse
it's not up to you

Poetry
Wild Heart
Wisdom

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