I thought I was ready to let it go,
but not quite yet.
His artwork from one of the
mental facilities he visited.
First, it was the mask.
I thought to throw it away—
I think it’s in a box somewhere.
The leafy green drawing,
not sure what it is.
I cut out the white parts
and used it to decorate my board.
His Starry Night—
imitation of Vincent van Gogh.
It’s not perfect,
but he caught the essence.
That was his gift—
catching the essence of the moment.

Sitting here
watching the snow melt
one little drop at a time--
there's something magical
about an unexpected snow
the kind that greets you
when you open the blinds
early in the morning
rendering the world silent
winking its magic
straight into the heart
on this Valentine's Day.

Blessings,
Victoria

Surrender
to the silence
the urge to rest
quiet the mind
release the tension
simply be
allow the cool waters
to flush you clean
warm your bones
by the fire
let the winter winds
blow away your struggles
sink your mind
deep into the earth
breathe into it
sending tendrils
of rootedness
deep, deep, deep
into Mother Earth
ground into this moment
rest now beloved one
allow the inner workings
of your mind to settle
it's winter
time to rest

I've been participating in Jeanette LeBlanc's "30 Questions to Bring You Closer to Your Wild Heart" writing class. This afternoon, contemplating the journey so far, this erupted through the grief and seeming writer's block I've been challenged by.

stirring within
memories poked
and rising
ideas I hadn't
considered in years
floating around
loosening bits of the past
wishing, home, love
what do they mean
I feel a new constellation
being born within
will there be a star
that shines over the others
what configuration
will the whole thing take
this feeling of brewing
and stewing
leaves me agitated
and sharp with others
I find I need to curb
my tongue
or it might just bite
what is the flavor

Right here
this is home
where my soul meets yours
where I am safe
where nothing else matters
I could stay here forever
basking in your arms
snuggled against your chest
loving, simply loving
nothing more
nothing less
angst and worry
fall away
demands and struggles
gone
it's so simple
just loving
nothing more
nothing less
right here
I am home

Deep in my joints
aching with use
waking with sharpness
tingling in fingers
cramping in the belly
constant or wavering
physical pain
is my companion.
Tears in my heart
old and new
weighing me down
stealing my aliveness
being my home.
Some days the joy
life or love
come bubbling up
and pain subsides
the blue of the sky
the warmth of the sun
bringing forth
the life within.
But today
the weight of the rain
falls heavily on my soul

broken at the outset
stumbling along
trying to find my way
through a deeply broken world
an instrument for loving
used for another's fun
now hides behind the closed door
afraid to let you in
the aching and the yearning
the momentary glimmers
hint at what's beyond here if
the chains would come undone
yearning to be free
to fly high in exultation
soar amongst the lovers
with you held in my arms
alas I'm stuck inside here
no clues unlock that door
a shadow of the bright child

a rainstorm
quenches the thirst
of the parched land
the change in the air
is palpable
a relaxing
sigh of relief
all seems quieter
cool misty mornings
afternoons warmed
by the sun
calling for one
to bask in the caress
rather than hide
crisp, chilly evenings
yesterday
the equinox
and its official
fall is here

Some days are meant for remembering
I awoke late this morning
after a restless night's sleep
a glance at my Facebook wall
revealed a two-year-old picture
my mom had shared
of our family with Jason
at the Cascade Aids walk.