What is Holding Me Back

Light on horizon

What is holding me back?
Me
I am holding me back
believing the voices in my head
the nonsensical things they teach
I'm not enough
people don't like me
there's something
inherently flawed about me
people look at me and point
and laugh and know
know what, you ask
you know
i'm that one 
the one who runs away
when the going gets tough
i'm that one
the one who dresses weird
and has crazy hair
and that damned wolf's tail
swaying under my dress
i'm different

Poetry
Wild Heart

Unleash the Wild Within

Writing into the wild one 
hear the crackling
walls falling
popping of old structures
burning to the ground
Long deep throaty hollers
Wild - running free
swirling, oh the swirling
round and round and round
until I fall down laughing
out loud and free
Ha, that's it
the times I feel like getting in a car
and leaving, driving down the road
ending wherever I land
It's the wild one saying
I've had enough
No more of this restrained perfection
Let go of the fucking perfection

Poetry
Wild Heart

Healing - How do You Heal?

Healing
layers upon layers
rising above the waters
falling back down
spinning in circles
always motion
sometimes swimming backwards
on occasion peaking
above the clouds
Healing
it's a journey
a choice to move forward
a letting go
a picking up
turning over and over
chewing on it for a while
finding its true flavor
then sending it off 
in a wisp of smoke
Healing
it's never ending
our human condition
found
only in a moment
of absolute surrender

Poetry
Wild Heart

Would You Believe Me if I Told You How Beautiful You Are

If I look into your eyes
you might see the truth
the truth about who I am
about where I've been
what I've created
If I look into your eyes
you would see a woman
tired, beaten by life
holding on 
for what, she's not sure
If I look into your eyes
tears would erupt
the tears of pain and grief
of lost opportunities
of failed attempts
If I look into your eyes
and still saw love
the tears would flow
in unending rivers
washing the debris away
If I look into your eyes

Poetry
Wild Heart

Love

Loving couple

Love is gentle and kind
nurturing and supportive
Love is boundaries
and discipline
and loving expectations
Love is forgiving
Love is being willing
to know the story 
underneath the story
Love is understanding
Love is partnership
and limits and compromise
Love is its own force
sometimes carrying us to places
we never knew existed
Love is complicated
Love is a choice and a commitment
Love, lasting love, changes you
burns away selfishness

Poetry
Wild Heart
Life Lessons

Parallel Lives

If I chose a different life
a parallel life
where would I be now 
Would it really be different
I feel ready for a breakthrough
Or is it a breakdown
Insanity swirling at the edges
or those other lives 
begging for attention
No matter
What is here is here
It's easy to think
ah, a life
where pain and grief and rage
don't exist
where I don't feel
this gnawing angst
in my belly
But does a life of peace
really exist
doesn't seem to be my deal
so instead

Poetry
Life Lessons
Wild Heart

What is Holy?

Holy is snuggling into my husband's back as he stirs something on the stove.
Holy is looking into the eyes of Cheyenne, our miniature dachshund. Pure love and adoration shining back.
Holy is holding my mom's hand. It's soft and warm as she talks about dying and her desires. She's letting go. I'm holding on. Her hand, so warm.
Holy is standing on the deck and having a hawk flying circles above, break out and dive directly towards me as it lets out its cry.
Holy is the early morning light, wiping out the darkness, foreshadowing the rising of the sun.

I thought I was ready

I thought I was ready to let it go,
but not quite yet.
His artwork from one of the
mental facilities he visited.
First, it was the mask.
I thought to throw it away—
I think it’s in a box somewhere.
The leafy green drawing,
not sure what it is.
I cut out the white parts
and used it to decorate my board.
His Starry Night—
imitation of Vincent van Gogh.
It’s not perfect,
but he caught the essence.
That was his gift—
catching the essence of the moment.

Poetry

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