It keeps visiting

It keeps visiting
That anxious, antsy feeling
Breath held
Chest tight
Jumping out of the skin feeling.
Spinning out of control
No desire to do what's in front of me
Only want to spin
But not spin in a dance or a song
Spin, like a spiral, out of control.

What is this energy that possesses me?
What am I supposed to be doing I don't see?
Where am I supposed to be going I don't know?

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,
I want you to know
I don't blame you for the dark
things that happened to me
when I was a child.
I don't have any anger towards you.
I have long since accepted
you did the best you knew how at the time.
And, I truly believe
you left not only for your own sanity
but for my safety as well.
I believe some subconscious part of you knew
he was no good for either one of us.
I have come to this place in my life of acceptance
Acceptance of what really happened

Write, Because

Like my life depended on it
My inner thoughts
To record
My learning process
To inspire
To encourage contemplation
A balm for pain
For healing

I have a voice
Writing brings me to life
Without it, I become aimless and angst ridden
Daily writing makes me smile
It listens
It doesn't judge
It touches others
It makes me whole


Edge of the Abyss

I stand at the edge of the abyss.
But it's really only darkness.
If only I could shine a light on this dark,
I might be able to see what's there.

It's the noise in the night that terrified me as a child.
It's the memories I couldn't quite grasp as an adult
That constricted my throat and made it impossible to breath.
It's the things of childhood I couldn't speak of,
The darkness that split my being into pieces.
Some part stayed and she's still lost in the darkness.
The rest turned the other way and moved on.