Dear Mom

Dear Mom,
I want you to know
I don't blame you for the dark
things that happened to me
when I was a child.
I don't have any anger towards you.
I have long since accepted
you did the best you knew how at the time.
And, I truly believe
you left not only for your own sanity
but for my safety as well.
I believe some subconscious part of you knew
he was no good for either one of us.
I have come to this place in my life of acceptance
Acceptance of what really happened
And, acceptance of the scars left behind.
Sometimes, the dark rears its ugly head
and I slip back down the hole once more.
But it only lasts a little while now.
It no longer consumes my life for months on end.
I have survived.
And, I hope by continuing to shine a light
on the darkness that remains,
I will slowly whittle away at the scars
and replace them with shiny new tissue.
New tissue which knows I am of the light,
New tissue which moves with ease and grace,
New tissue which allows me the kind of
sexual expression I have only dreamt of.
I still have hopes of finding the parts of me
left behind in the dark and reattaching them
to finally make myself whole.
But that is my work, not yours.
When you see me slipping into the dark,
just send me a little extra love.
It works, and it makes the all difference.
I love you.

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