Connections

The energies are swirling around me, pushing me to growth and change. And, I am uncomfortable.

I am taking an herbal class on herbal energetics. The goal is to learn to communicate with plants through our senses, primarily through taste. One of the first lessons is about the need to connect with nature and to be open.

I have also signed up for a two week challenge by Kamana to spend time in nature each day for 15 days giving thanks. Part of this process is about being in a sit spot which is a place to observe and connect in nature.

These both seem like they should be easy tasks, however, I am not good at opening and connecting. I get close in my life and then I run away. Opening means risk. It means exposing myself to the world in some way. And, in my experience the world isn't always a safe place. I've faced this challenge before and thought I'd learned to connect. Then bad things happened again and I "relearned" the inherent danger of being open.

I see how this also fits right into my desire to be a massage therapist. I practiced massage for almost seven years before the pain in my hands became too great to continue. It took a long time for the pain to go away and when it did, the desire to resume massage became great. I've taken steps to get my license but have noted when I do give a massage, my hands hurt again for a couple of days.

The physical pain could be very real. But I wonder if there isn't a component related to connection. Connecting with our hands with another person is a very powerful practice whether its massage or just holding a hand. Perhaps the physical pain in my hands is simply reflective of the pain in my soul around connection.

I don't have any answers right now, I'm just observing.

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