Changing

I've chosen to get healthy this year along with the help of some family members. What I didn't expect was a new spurt of personal growth to go with it. Maybe its because we are relying on one another for motivation and strength to stick with getting healthy. Maybe its running this website and putting myself on the line. I'm not sure which. All I know is that I'm opening my eyes and seeing some things about myself I don't like. It's a painful process that I haven't gone through in a while.

I've learned that not only am I hard on myself and those closest to me, I'm hard on everyone. We just took a walk around the block and I noted that I was judging everything. Those people still have their Christmas lights up - wonder how much unnecessary power that's using. That person's yard is very cluttered and messy - detracting from the beauty of the neighborhood. On and on the thoughts flowed. I was aware and everytime I'd open my mouth to say something to Tom, I'd realize it was negative. I suspect if I didn't say anything negative at all right now, I simply wouldn't have anything to say.

I can only guess how that's affecting my health, my relationships and my overall enjoyment of life. When did I become like this? I'm not sure, but it's about to change... no matter how difficult.

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