Life Wins

Image of a rainy dayIt's a dreary rainy day.
My heart is pounding.
My eyes threaten to spill.
But, it's not the grief this time.
It's about me.
It's about the unknowing.
It's about the chaos I see in the world.
It's about my sense of helplessness.
it's about thinking there must be
Something, I can do.
For me, ranting and raving against
what I see as wrong, doesn't work.

Spring's Urging

I'm trying to move,
sadness continues to be
my constant companion.
My mind is a constant swirl.
I can feel the stirring of spring.
I can feel the pressure
of tasks long left undone.
I no longer want to just curl up
in front of the fire,
or stay in my cave
and ignore the rest of the world.
But I also don't seem to have
any forward moving energy.
So, I'm just letting it be,
finding one thing
that calls me in the moment.
Baby steps, I believe they call it,
steps into the now.

An evening of remembrance

An evening of remembrance -
stories shared
with a best friend,
another one who adored him.
Once again
I'm back to the why.
I reach this place of acceptance,
of letting go and moving on.
Then something happens
to bring back the senselessness
of the whole affair.
That darkness he hid so well,
the one that ate him
from the inside out,
the one we caught glimpses of
over the years
as he battled with the monster
known as depression.
How can someone so good,
so loving and giving

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